Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You can't just leave with hair like that
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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