Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
