so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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