I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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