Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
