i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
