I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
