Moan for me like Helen Keller
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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