She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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