belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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