she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
