and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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