I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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