My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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