i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
