I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
