I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
