You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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