I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
