So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
