please come you make the beer taste better
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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