I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize