what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
