So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
