you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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