Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
