toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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