I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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