Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
