Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
