I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
