he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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