ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
