I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
