I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
