Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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