Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
