the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize