I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
