going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize