Your dad touched me again.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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