We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
