It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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