remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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