do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Randomize
