You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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