Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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