That's when you crack a 10am beer
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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