Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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