Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
