It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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