Are we in a gay sports bar?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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