Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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