Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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