You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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