Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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