In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
