yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
