why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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