Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
