I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
