I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
