Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
