Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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