I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm just crazy horny about you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
