there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
