I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
