i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hell yes lets make some ravioli
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
