Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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