I can text with my tongue
It was confusing and full of hummus
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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