Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
