Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Mom said you looked used
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
