so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
