Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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