I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
