Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
