so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
