im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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