Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
