Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
